I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
