OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
