broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
