Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
