You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
