Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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