matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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