I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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