i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
