I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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