Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
