I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
