Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
