why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
