Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
