But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Randomize
