i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
