I feel like abortions should bother me more
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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