So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
