I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
