My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
this hospital has no fireball
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
