You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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