It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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