Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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