She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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