Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
