Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
