It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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