I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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