Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
