I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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