oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
