FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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