If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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