We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
