...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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