I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
