I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
