A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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