Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
