Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
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