Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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