my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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