I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
