please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
