I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
