I think my fart just growled at me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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