Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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