"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
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