Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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