woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm like, not good at living.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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