The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
