I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
