I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
