The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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